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Have you ever reached a breaking point? |
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Written by Ryan Showalter, director of Discipleship Ministries
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 I think the last couple of days have been that for me. A friend of mine just reminded me, "that in life so many times we try hard to avoid brokenness; a broken pen is a worthless pen. Yet in spiritual terms, we are worthless until we are broken." Until we admit that we cannot do it on our own, God has not fully shown us just how much we need him. It's not that God causes our brokenness, usually life or our own mistakes bring that soon enough.
Recently I found myself at a new level of brokenness. I found myself asking the two questions that every Christian (or human for that matter) must answer.
- Is God all powerful? Is he sovereign, is he holy, and is he King? Is God really in control of the universe?
- Does God love me? This is a different type of question, unlike the last which is more theological. This is more a personal or heart question.
The other day I was really struggling to answer these questions. Each person may struggle with them differently. Those in missions may be dealing with fears about whether God is truly in control in a strange land where the language, the culture, even the food is different. They may be dealing with illness, loneliness, or feelings of inadequacy.
For me, I don't have a hard time with the first question. It's easy for me to admit that God is sovereign, that he could heal Jenni at the drop of a hat if he wanted. I believe God has the whole world in his hand, and is in control. So that leads me to the second question: “If God is in control, then why is he allowing this to happen — does he still love me?”
I wrestled with these questions for a while. God is not afraid of our questions, nor is he threatened by them. Yet it took me some time, some journaling, and venting to my pastor (who did such a great job of listening) before I could come back to a place of peace, and have an answer.
Finding the answer for yourself is the hard part. I know many of you are looking for answers in your own lives. “What comes next? Does God care about my future? Why isn’t he showing me clearly what he wants me to do?”
But walking this journey with Jenni, a journey that has proved longer and harder than I could have ever imagined; I still fear that it's not over. And the questions all come flooding back: “What would that mean? What would I do? Could I handle whatever God has in store?”
To all of these I answer; I simply don't know. Yet I do know that “come hell or high water” Jenni and I are in this together. It doesn't make it easy, but she has been there for me, just as I have been there for her. We have been surrounded by so many wonderful friends and family. Most of all, somehow, some way, I can still say — God is in control, and He loves me.
And I believe God is with you on your journey as well and he loves you too.
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Positions Available
Join StaffX at the Harrisburg Discipleship Center to grow spiritually and in leadership skills as you mentor and serve others. Current volunteer staff openings: Community Outreach Coordinator, Mission Mobilizer, Office Assistant, and Prayer Coordinator.
Contact Sherrie Ober if you are interested.
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