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Written by Ryan Showalter, director of Discipleship Ministries
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Honesty is one of the greatest tenets of postmodernism. Stop faking life, be real, be honest, be transparent. We’ve all heard these words, yet why are they so hard to actually do?
Today as I was driving down the highway, the sound of the wind came through the window and drowned out the radio. I slowly became more aware of myself, one of those rare moments of honesty. As I drove, I realized that my heart was full of angst. Even being able to name it made me realize just how much it was there.
Where was the peace that I so longed to feel? I knew it wasn’t just the fact that I was hungry, and needed to eat lunch before heading back to the office. No, this was something deeper, a wrestling deep in my soul. I realized that I was tired – tired of being a servant, tired of putting others first. Can’t I just be selfish for a while? Haven’t I earned it?
I don’t know if any of you can identify with this, but it’s something that I struggle with. Recently it’s been a battle for me. I have these internal arguments with myself, and at times with God, too. The arguments change in nature, from rational to theological to emotional, but they always boil down to the same basic principle. How am I supposed to crucify something that doesn’t want to die? It’s so simple – yet difficult.
Jesus asks the question: “Is it loving? Does it bring forth life?” This was the key behind the argument in Mark 3:1-6, where Jesus wanted to heal on the Sabbath and all the Pharisees cared about were their religious rules. Jesus did what was wrong in their eyes in order to bring healing.
I realized that Jesus was challenging me to give up what seems “right” in my eyes and do what sometimes feels “wrong” to my flesh in order to bring life to others. Many times in life, I lose my passion or heart for serving others. I get emotionally and physically worn out. In those moments, I need to look to Jesus to be renewed. It is exactly then, when I least feel like seeking God, that I need him the most.
Part of being a servant, and a follower of Jesus, is being honest with where we are and with our struggles. I don’t know if you can relate to my writing and my struggle, but I hope that no matter what you’re going through in life, you look to Jesus to renew you and give you the strength to fight. To fight, not for what is right, but for what brings life.
If this article strikes you, I invite you to write a comment
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Positions Available
Join StaffX at the Harrisburg Discipleship Center to grow spiritually and in leadership skills as you mentor and serve others. Current volunteer staff openings: Community Outreach Coordinator, Mission Mobilizer, Office Assistant, and Prayer Coordinator.
Contact Sherrie Ober if you are interested.
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